August 24, 2024

I can't believe it's been over a year. A year free from chronic migraines, dizziness, chronic fatigue, and constant pain. God chose to exhibit His love for me in the most extravagant way possible. He did what no doctor was able to do. He freed me from all my pain. Most of you know my story, but I'll share it with those who haven't heard it before. On October 27, 2020, it was as if my life turned upside down. Not in the Yippee; I won a billion dollars way.

I was driving home from work when a Ford 150 made a left turn into my lane. I heard glass breaking and, all of a sudden was losing control of my vehicle. I quickly regained control, but not before my head hit the back of my car. Time screeched to a halt as I parked on the side of the road, dazed.

At the time of the accident, I didn't think much of it. I drove home without a hitch, but 24 hours later, I lost all feeling from the top of my left shoulder to the tip of my fingers. The doctor at the walk-in clinic said, "It's just whiplash and muscle spasms compressing your nerves. You should recover in a couple of weeks." So, I proceeded with life as usual.

That was until a month later when I couldn't think straight, remember many words, read my assignments for college, or even walk in a straight line. It felt as if someone was constantly hammering into my head. Fun right? I returned to the doctor, where I was diagnosed with a concussion. They informed me that it would be an extended road to recovery because they caught it late. So, I started a bunch of different therapies all at once. I pulled out of my college courses that same week. It took every ounce of energy to open my eyes in the morning. I could blame it on the pain, but I won't. This familiar feeling was because of the depression that was seeping into my entire being. Life, as I once knew it, was gone. It's a bit dramatic, but that's how it felt back then.

The landscape of my life was rapidly changing before my very eyes. I was frightened, frustrated, and wasn't sure what lay ahead. Now, you might wonder, as was I, where was God in all this? In my conversations with Abba, He's shown me he was there. He was at every doctor's appointment, listening to my mom give the doctor the latest update. Abba was present in every physical, vestibular, hearing, and speech therapy appointment where I left feeling worse than when I came in. In the chaos of my topsy-turvy world, He knew every scared thought racing through my aching head.

For those of you who've walked with your child through a life-altering event and the subsequent repercussions, you're a hero in my book. I applaud you and believe the Father will carry you through as He did for my family. I get teary-eyed when I remember how my parents supported me through those three long, arduous years. They never made me feel like a burden, so I thank them. My parents say that they did what any parent should do in their situation. While they might be right, they went above and beyond the call of duty.

You might ask, Naomi, what was your relationship with God like in the midst of this? As I grappled with my newfound reality, I grew angrier and angrier at my Creator. Could the One Who fashioned and formed me in my Mother's womb be this cruel? After all, I'd just dedicated a year of my life to missions, and how could my sacrifice be rewarded in this way? If my language sounds calloused, it's because, surprise, I was bitter. I let the Enemy tell me lies like, "You're a failure; your life will never amount to anything; it's going to be like this forever." I latched onto those falsehoods faster than a lion pursuing its prey. I felt stuck as I watched everyone my age proceed with their lives. The need to prove my successes compared to everyone else's had to die. Slowly but surely, that's what God's pruning out of my life. The work is incomplete, but I know he'll finish what He started in me.

In my impatience, I reached a tipping point in my connection with God. I remember telling God, "Hey, this is too hard. I can't have a personal relationship with You. That might change in two to three years." Like that, I cut ties with my Father, who delights in me. This conversation took place sometime in the spring of 2021.

Summertime passed. I was isolated even though my desire for friendship kept me awake at night. My mom continued to nag me about attending a Christian ministry on my campus called Luke18. I kept silent about my conversation with God so my mom didn't know I wasn't walking with Him then. I wasn't about to out myself to my parents, no way in the world.